This is Band
by UnluckyWriter
Summary: Band AU. Band is Band. Unique. Strange. And just down-right weird. Of course, the kids have to learn that on their own as they become 'Those Band Kids'. Let crack ensue. !CRACK-TASTIC! Contains SLASH! And other pairings...
1. Do Me

_Do Me_

_**Rating:**_** T for safety!**

_**WARNINGS: contains SLASH, INNUENDO, AND BAND-NESS THAT ALSO MEANS CRACK. XD**_

_**Pairings: Implied (?) Luke/Percy (Team Lukercy vs. Puke? Mwahaha.)**_

_**UnluckyWriter: **_**Hey guys! Long time no write! Yeah, okay, I **_**know**_** I need to update and I know I've been gone a long time, but hey! Internet got cut, school nearly killed me, and well, yeah. Some procrastination on the part. I'm sorry! Don't kill me, please! Well, anyways, like I said, I know I should update on my other stories…but…motivation…I needs it so bad. :'( So in the throes of plot-bunny action, I got inspired to write THIS instead. This fic is based off of something that actually happened to me in band. Lemme tell ya…that place….is…indescribable. I love band. XD Also, I wrote this in 10 minutes…don't hate too muh. OTL**

_**Disclaimer:**_** Be happy I don't own, Riordan. **

**TO ALL BAND PEOPLES OR NOT, ENJOY THE CRACK!**

**-gkdlsfjlwjefj-efjwejfkljf-**

"Do me."

Percy stared back, dumbfounded. "What…?" He managed to say, skin beginning to sweat profusely.

Annabeth stared back, equally firm. "I said '_do me.'_"

The two best friends stood in the band room with the other band geeks. All was hustle and bustle as everyone got ready for the marching show at half-time during football.

Percy flailed. "B-but-but-we're friends-and-and-"

A peal of laughter greeted his ears and the brunet turned on the honey blonde incredulously as she continued to giggle like a maniac.

"You-you really are a newbie in band," Annabeth chuckled, wiping away tears of mirth.

Percy gave her a blank look. "Huh?"

The wise girl rolled her eyes. "Moronic seaweed-brain…" She muttered lowly before moving on. "Do you know what the term 'do me' means?"

Percy blushed dark pink in answer. "Erm…"

"No!" Annabeth broke out, waving a frantic hand. "It's not like _that_ 'do me', you pervert!"

"Then what 'do me' do you mean?" Percy cried, holding onto his clarinet for dear life in panic. "And I don't want to do _you!_"

"Hey, what's with that strange, venomous emphasis on my name, seaweed-brain-"

"Percy, Percy," Thalia interjected, deciding to jump in before the two freshmen killed each other. "This is band."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "And…?"

Thalia gave him a deadpan look. "Band is the place where no one outside of it can understand."

Percy continued to stare. "Okay…?"

The punk-girl gave a tired sigh, wishing it was already her Senior year rather than her Junior. "Listen kiddo, first thing you gotta know is that band is _different_ from the rest of the things here in school. We have our own traditions, rules, and yes, _terms._"

The blue-eyed female raised a hand and spun Annabeth around so that the blonde's white, unzipped band jacket could be seen.

"See how our uniform's like this?" Thalia asked patiently, gesturing at the younger girl's uniform.

Percy nodded. "Uh huh."

"The jacket can't be zipped up in the back by oneself, right?" Thalia continued after Percy nodded. "So you gotta ask someone for help. And in band language, 'do me' just means 'zip my jacket up'. Got it?"

Percy's jaw fell. "That's _it?_ Wow…"

Annabeth snickered. "Poor, naïve, little Percy…"

The tan boy bristled indignantly. "Shut up! I didn't know, and I just recently got into band, you-"

"Yeah, yeah," The blonde interrupted, yawning. "Now, since you know that one term…" She grinned. "Do me."

Percy huffed, following the request. "Fine, Wise-girl."

"Do me, too, Perce," Thalia asked, offering her unzipped uniformed back.

As Percy went to zip her up, a cacophony of greetings came his way.

"Dude, do me, too!"

"Do me, Percy!"

"Right over here, squirt. You need to do me."

"Why do _they_ want _me_ to do them?" The clarinet player grumbled, striding over to a smirking Silena Beauregard.

Silena laughed, turning her back to him as he zipped her uniform up. "It's because you're the newbie _freshman_ in band," she said fondly, ruffling his hair after he did his work.

"But Annabeth's a freshman, too!" Percy protested.

Silena merely shrugged. "But she didn't enroll into band late." With that word, the beautiful girl left Percy to go over to Charles Beckendorf, drum major of the whole band.

"Hmmph. That's not right-" Percy grouched before the cries came up again for him to hurry and do the band population. He sighed. This was going to take a while…

Fifteen minutes passed and the last guy, Jason Grace, the 8th grader percussionist prodigy left the band hall, saying, "Thanks for doing me!" And all was silent in the room.

Percy sighed for the umpteenth time in the span of fifteen minutes, and was about to up and go out into the football field towards the other band members when he realized the most crucial thing: _his own band jacket was unzipped._

"Son of a-" Percy cursed, flashing his eyes around the room to see if anyone was still there to help him with his predicament. Emptiness yawned before him.

"I hate being a freshman," the 9th grader grumbled darkly, setting his instrument down on a conveniently placed chair.

The next five minutes consisted of him _trying_ to zip himself up from behind without any success, whatsoever.

"Zip, zip, _dangit, zip already,_" The boy muttered, arms twisted and arched awkwardly behind his back as he attempted the action. "_Dangit!"_ Further emphasizing of the 'dangit' resulted in him dancing a strange jig.

"Having some trouble there, Perce?"

Percy perked up, hearing the familiar voice from his left, and he glanced up, seeing Luke Castellan, Senior and also a band newbie alongside Percy, strode in from the band hall door.

"Hi, Luke," Percy greeted the trumpet player, fingers touching his zipper but failing to grab hold. He gave a breath of irritation. "Dangit." Looking towards the taller blonde male, Percy said, "Hey, Luke? I need help."

The Senior nodded, facing away towards his band cubby hole as he brought out the trumpet cleaning cloth and oil. "Okay, whatcha need?"

And forgetting that Luke was also a band newbie alongside him, and that they both had crushes on each other, and that they also had confessed their feelings two weeks before, and _also_ that they haven't started dating yet (I.e. because of Annabeth and Thalia interrupting their about to be spoken questions _every time._ Crazy chicks.), Percy said, "Do me."

Luke froze and slowly swiveled to stare at Percy incredulously. "R…really?"

Needless to say, Percy Jackson was confused. This was band. So why was the blonde looking so freaked out? Jeez.

The younger teen nodded. "Yeah."

A pause. Then a smirk flitted handsomely across the blonde Senior's lips, making Percy's heart thump weirdly. "Okay."

_****_

Ethan Nakamura was a sophomore that had the worse of luck. Really. From losing his eye in a car accident several years ago, to having red Kool-Aid spilled on his white dress pants today, the one-eyed French horn player had had it tough.

He was just coming from the bathroom, already in uniform and marching shoes, and all he needed was his instrument before heading outside to play and march like the boss of the whole lot, and really, he thought that tonight couldn't get worse.

The noise coming from behind the band room door told him so.

"L-Luke! I-I meant you to zip me up, you son of a-" the sentence was broken off to a drawn out moan.

A breathless chuckle from a deeper voice. "But I think you like this anyway~!"

More noise of questionable sounds ensued before Ethan quickly spun on heel and walked away, thinking, '_Screw the marching show. I've had enough.'_

Poor guy.

_**END.**_

**-fdhjwejlr-fewljfr-**

**So….review, anyone? 8D**


	2. Band Pervert

_Band Pervert_

_**Note:**__** So…yes. I'm continuing this. Surprise, surprise! Didn't see that coming, did you? Well, anyways, the reason why I'm continuing this is because my friends found out and read the 'Do Me' fic, and since we're all in band and whatnot, they said, "CONTINUE IT. NOWS." So, in fear, I did. Be happy!**_

_**WARNINGS:**__** Some profanity, SLASH, CRACK, and these ideas are from my own experiences in band! BEWARE! Also, suggestive innuendos! If no likey, don't flame. Or be mad. Or whatever. Remember, reading this is you people's own free will. I have no say. ;)**_

_**Pairings**__**: Lukercy XD**_

_**But it's Ethan-boy's part now! XD Let his suffering begin!…..Oops.**_

_**-gewfswfwer-eftgwe-r-**_

Ethan Nakamura was tired.

Dead on his feet tired.

Why?

Because their band teacher, Hades (no one knew the man's real name, thus the nickname was born! With good reason, though…), decided to be a douche because of the trumpets (damn Luke), and made the _whole_ band march basic blocks for _thirty whole minutes_ before running _all_ the five movements. In a row. Six. Consecutive. Times.

Ethan was a tired, _tired_ French-horn player.

That _also_ had to carry the speakers back.

Damn it.

Ethan glared at the little, yet heavy, black speaker sitting innocently on the pavement in front of him.

"Why?" The one-eyed sophomore said to no one in particular.

As luck would have it, Percy Jackson answered in his stead.

"Because you wanted to be a good Samaritan and help out?" The younger band member offered. "And besides, no one wanted to help carry it back, except you and me." He completed the sentence by holding his own respective speaker in left hand.

Ethan gave the other a disgusted look. "That was a rhetorical question."

Percy shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Well now…whoops."

Luke chose that moment to appear.

"Hey, Perce," the Senior trumpet-player greeted, grinning. He saw the speaker in the mentioned boy's fingers. "That looks pretty heavy."

Percy gave an uncharacteristic sour stare.

"It usually isn't," he grouched, waving his clarinet in right hand in an threatening manner. "But today it is because you and the trumpets just _had_ to make us work hard! I hate you."

Luke gave a sly chuckle. "Oh, don't lie to yourself, Perce," the blonde purred out rather cheerfully, "You _like_ it when I make you work hard…"

Hearing how suggestive the older teen's voice sounded, Ethan choked, remembering the unspeakable band room incident. Dear, god…

Percy's face flushed scarlet, not noticing Ethan's predicament as he gaped at the trumpet-player.

"You-you- just get inside!" the freshman hollered, ears red. "We only got five minutes before the bell rings, you jerk!"

The scarred-cheek male merely saluted with his favored instrument before nudging Percy along, saying, "Oh, yes, Percy, of _course_ I'm willing to go _inside_-"

The two teen's ramblings grew fainter and fainter as they marched away.

Ethan twitched. Why was he subjected to this continuous abuse…?

Knowing no answer will be provided, the French-horn player sighed, bending over to snatch up the black plastic speaker. Wobbling with the combined weight of instrument and machinery, Ethan began the long distance back to Olympus High, hoping optimistically that the day would get better.

Right.

**-THIS BE LINE BREAK NOW-LINE BREAK-**

Five minutes later, Ethan trudged into the band hall, muscles aching and fingers cramped from holding his instrument and the speaker. All he wanted at that point was water, rest, water, a change of clothes ('Cause he reeked of sweat, thank you very much), and water.

He just wanted _water_.

He didn't care how the bell had rang and the band hall was almost deserted.

He didn't care how he passed Percy on the way to the speaker room.

As a result, he completely disregarded the younger boy's words and continued on his crappy way.

He just wanted water.

Percy watched Ethan's receding back uncertainly. "Hope he heard what I said…"

The one-eyed brass-player stomped closer to the speaker room, and when gotten there, flung the door open, not noticing how the speaker that Percy carried earlier laid _outside_ instead of _in_ the appropriate room, and in a huff, he set his respective speaker down, fumbling haphazardly for the charging plug.

"You know, this is the reason why we can't do _anything._ It's because of _that._"

Even though Ethan was agonizing over his lack of water, he still heard the rather pissed off, feminine voice, and he glanced up to see a freckled finger pointing at his face.

"Huh." Came the French-horn player's rather intelligent grunt as he followed the hand up to meet a livid _Rachel Dare's _face. "Huh…"

The red-head's facial features twisted unpleasantly before she exploded. "You stupid, _moronic_ imbecile!" Came the rage. "Do you not notice _anything?"_

"Huh…?" And that's when Ethan remembered Percy's words as he passed him on the way to the speaker room.

"_Some of the girl's are changing in there! Don't go in!"_

'_Oh my crap,'_ Ethan thought in horror.

Unwillingly, his one good eye roved around the room, taking in the almost half-naked states of Rachel and her two friends. '_Oh, no.'_

Looks like he's going to lose that eye, too.

"What the _Hades_ (Yes, they say their band teacher's name like it was Hell.) are you doing in here?" The red-head tuba-player screeched, clutching her clean orange shirt close to her chest, shoulders showing.

Ethan floundered. "I- it- this is the _speaker room!_ Why the heck are you _changing_ in _here?"_

"GET OUT!" Rachel roared, and without much prompt, Ethan did just that, fleeing for his life.

In his haste of escaping, he heard a venomous '_pervert'_ from one of the girls, and he inwardly crumbled inside.

'_Why…?'_ He thought as he sat down in his World History class, fifteen minutes late. "Why…?"

"'_Why?' 'Why?'!"_ His history teacher, Artemis snarled, slamming her multiple textbooks down on his desk. "How _dare_ you question me when you arrived in _my_ class _late._ Men." She snorted in disgust. "Imbeciles."

Ethan set his head down on the table, too tired to argue.

He still hadn't gotten his drink of water.

**-THIS BE LINE BREAK-BREAK LINE-**

Ethan sighed as he walked out of the bathroom stall and to the sink. He'd endured many a dirty and angry stare from the female population of band as word of his '_sick, perverted-ness'_ deed came out.

Why…? Why must he be tortured so…?

As he began the process of washing his hands, Connor Stoll, the other drum major of the marching band, strolled in.

"Hey, Pervert," the sandy-haired Junior greeted, closing the door to his stall.

Ethan glared into the mirror, wishing he could kill the older male. "I'm not a pervert. Those girls overreacted. It's all a lie."

A snort sounded out from the stall. "Suuure. I know your dirty thoughts, Ethan, so no lying."

"And you would know, how?" Ethan said tiredly, tearing a piece of paper towel to dry his hands.

"Because I have drum major powers. Duh," came the curt reply. Minutes later, low groans and grunts can be heard.

Ethan flashbacked back to _that band incident_, and in an almost fearful tone, asked, "W-what are you doing?"

Connor let out a pained, yet irritated groan. "Taking a dump, what else?"

The one-eyed boy deflated, relieved. "Oh, good," he muttered, lowly.

"What?" Connor called out.

"Nothing."

Ethan was about to depart and go on his merry way when all of a sudden, Connor said from the stall, "You know about the school's toilet paper…?"

The French-horn player paused, curious. "Yeah…?"

Connor gave an frustrated huff. "Why are the school's freaking toilet paper have to be so thin?" He ranted. "It doesn't _soak _up _anything!_ It's scratchy, too, dude!"

Ethan stared at the close door of the stall in which his drum major was behind. He had to wonder, sometimes, on how _Connor_ was chosen to be the leader (alongside Charles) of the band…

"What…?" Ethan shook his head. "Why are talking about this?"

"Because it's injustice!" Connor exclaimed from behind the bathroom stall. The sound of flushing toilet was heard. "And besides, the toilet paper gives me ass rash. Who wants _that?"_

Incredulous silence.

Then Ethan burst out in laughter, holding his sides like a maniac as he laughed to his heart's content, taking a break from the pass day's stress.

Connor frowned, poking his tan face outside the stall. "Whyja laughing?"

Ethan couldn't answer, instead, opting to snicker some more and stumble out the bathroom.

Because he was laughing so hard, his one eye was closed in his mirth, Ethan didn't notice how he passed the boy's restroom door, passed the band hall door, and stood in front of a same gray-colored door as the other previous doors.

"Haha…" Ethan continued to chuckle, a hand wiping tears away as his other hand rested on the door and began _pushing_, and it _should have_ occurred to him that the band hall door was opened by _pulling_ instead of _pushing_, but he didn't realize it until a horrific voice cut through his moment of hilarity.

"W-_what are you doing?"_

The one-eyed teen froze and stopped laughing, slowly swiveling his head to meet Rachel's wide-eyed stare.

The freckled girl opened and closed her mouth, highly resembling a goldfish as her hand held onto the water fountain for support.

Ethan suddenly felt his throat dry, and with a sinking feeling in his gut, looked _up_ at the door.

The girl's restroom sign peered down mockingly at him.

Oh, hell no.

"Er…" Ethan began awkwardly. "This isn't what it looks like."

Rachel stared at him before suddenly, she pointed an accusing finger, said, "So you _are_ a pervert!", and promptly ran towards the band hall door, flinging it open, and dashing inside screaming, "_PERVERT!"_

Ethan's jaw dropped. "No!" He yelled, following after her quick. He sprinted into the band hall screeching, "She's lying! Lying!"

But it was too late.

Everyone gave him a creeped out glare, murmuring, "_Pervert", _while slowly backing away.

Ethan twitched, and before he realized what he was doing, screamed out, "_I AM NOT A PERVERT!"_

Everyone quieted down.

Ethan breathed heavily, shaking from the sudden adrenaline rush before, out of no where, a pale hand landed on his shoulder.

Ethan craned his neck behind him to see who it was, getting a bad feeling.

Hades glared down at him stonily.

The French-horn Sophomore wilted inside.

"You frightened the females, and disrupted the peace," the demonic band teacher hissed out coldly, regarding the scared-stiff Ethan in front of him. "Fifty laps around the track. Now."

At that point, Ethan keeled over, wishing he could be struck down by lightning _now._

**-gsjdfkwklej-gehwkljwoinve-ewhjsf**

**End of chapter two!**

**Like I said, these drabbles came from my personal experiences. O_O**

**But, if anyone has a great idea, let it out, for I might use it for the drabbles! XD**

**So, anyone want to review? Come on, don't be shy. 8D**


	3. Band Kids

_Band Kids_

_**Warnings: contains INNUENDO. XD**_

_**Note: Hey~! Sorry for the late update! School was being a jerk and all, but hey! I wrote this at SIX IN THE MORNING. So it's short, but I updated. XD Love me.**_

Zeus was a prideful man by nature.

A flaw, he knew, but he couldn't help himself.

And with that pride in hand, he had to make everything in his life perfect enough to be proud of.

Like Olympus High.

As principal, he _had_ to be proud of his school, and _he is._

He knew everything about the school and its happenings, and he held pride in himself for knowing and making the school a better place.

Except band.

He knew nothing about band.

Oh, yes, he knew his brother, Hades, was the band teacher (a fact he was still smug about. Ha! He won the sibling rivalry over who would be the principal!), and he knew Apollo and Chiron were the other two, but really…he knew nothing about band. Sure, he heard rumors, mostly along the lines of, _"Let them be, they're __**band kids**__. Duh."_ But…that was it. Nothing else. No other label besides 'band kid', like it was already a label that explained _everything_ about band!

That makes him uneasy, for, if he doesn't know anything about it… than how can he make it more perfect to be prideful over?

With that in mind, the thunderous principal of Olympus High School decided to investigate the band.

He stalked down the hallway to the band hall, intent on some pieces of information, when he came up to the band door.

Putting a hand on the doorknob, he was about to proceed to walk in when he heard someone talking. He paused, listening.

"No, I _told _you, it's too _big!_" An exasperated voice said.

"No, it's not. Trust me," Another voice assured.

What?

The first voice sighed. "Look, I've tried this many times, _it won't fit- STOP!"_

"It _will._"

"No! It's too big-GAH!"

Silence.

Zeus' eye twitched unpleasantly. What…?

"See?" The second voice sounded smug. "Told you it would fit."

Panting noises from the first. "Fine. Try getting it _out_ then."

"…It…" Second voice sounded irritated. "Urgh…."

"See? It was _too big_ to fit, but you didn't believe me! Now it's _stuck._"

"I can't get it out!"

"The hole was too small and that too big! Of course you can't get it out! It's freaking stuck! Way to go…"

Gaping, the principal of Olympus High let go of the doorknob loosely…and proceeded to walk away.

Band kids. Makes so much sense now…

Percy glared at Luke, huffing in exertion as he tried to get his clarinet barrel out of the barrel hole in his case.

"Look! Dangit, Luke, it's stuck!"

The blonde senior in mention held up his hands in surrender. "We can work something out, Pearce…."

Apollo, the percussion teacher, poked his head out of the band office room. "Okay, guys, what are you doing…?"

"Luke decided to put my barrel in the barrel hole of my clarinet case, but I said it didn't work, since the barrel hole was too small and the barrel Hades gave me too big, and as you can see, Luke didn't listen," Percy explained, glaring. "At all."

Luke gave a sheepish smile. "Haha…whoops."

Apollo rolled his eyes. "Just keep it down, kids. Who knows what people would do if they were walking pass and heard your conversations…" He ducked back in the office, muttering, "Band kids."

How true that was.

**Review? XD**


	4. Saxy

_Saxy_

Morning practice sucks.

Waking up at six-something in the morning just to go march your ass off isn't a fun pastime on anyone's agenda.

So morning practice sucks butt.

Too bad Hades was a physco-scary dictator that controlled _everything._ Well…basically, only everything concerning band, but no matter. A dictator is a dictator. They're pretty darn terrifying. Especially when they hide guns in the tuba cases. Yeah.

So that's how the Olympian High School kids found themselves.

Walking on their way to the Primary school parking lot so that they could march their lives away at six forty-five in the dark morning by the overlord of band's command.

Oh, joy.

Travis, a saxophone player of the band and twin brother to Connor Stoll glared at Luke from a distance.

The scarred-blonde in mention was currently being ambushed and flocked by a hoard of band girls all vying for his love and affections. Luke looked disgusted.

Travis is not amused.

"I don't get it," the sax-player muttered angrily, glaring. "Why does _he_ get the girls when he's totally dating Percy?"

Connor shrugged. "Girls. Don't try to understand them."

"But I _want _to understand!" Travis exclaimed heatedly, shaking his fist to the sky. "Why does guys like _him_ get the chicks, when guys like _me_, who are hot, amazing, charismatic, and just plain awesome, _is available."_ He shook his head in bewilderment. "Makes no sense."

Connor shrugged again. "Girls."

Nico di Angelo, Hades' kid, suddenly decided to pop in like a stalkery-creeper.

"Maybe it's because you're _not_ a hot, amazing, charismatic, and just plain awesome, available guy," the eighth- grader told him, pale face smug. "Makes sense now, doesn't it?"

Travis gave the younger a sour stare. "Aren't you supposed to be in school, brat?"

Nico yawned. "My school starts at eight. Duh. I decided to come here to watch how you guys are doing." He gave Travis a cursory glance. "Though, seeing how as _you're_ in band must mean the band is sucking."

Travis was offended. "Hey—I'm awesome! Okay?" He sneered. "At least I'm not a _flute player."_

Nico stared him down. "At least I'm the number one at my instrument and not some unattractive teenager who sucks at his instrument."

Connor whistled. "Burn."

Travis glared. "Okay. Fine. I'm not hot. I'm not amazing. And I'm not charismatic." He slowly grinned. "I'm better."

Nico eyed the other boy suspiciously. "Really now…."

"Yes." Travis puffed out his chest. "I'm a saxy studdmuffin."

Connor choked.

Nico stared.

Travis grinned smugly. "What?" he asked pompously. "Amazed at my awesomeness?"

"…What's a studdmuffin…?" Nico finally asked.

Travis gave the younger an unimpressed look. "Really." He sighed. "Kids, these days. Anyway, a studdmuffin is a hot guy who has chicks chasing after him all the time 'cause he's that awesome."

"Oh." Nico nodded in understanding. "So you mean Luke's a studdmuffin?"

Travis glared, hating to be reminded of that issue again. "No. _I_ _am."_

At the end of the sentence, the saxophone-player, who wasn't watching where he was walking, tripped over a pile of conspicuous rocks and fell epically to the ground, though, somehow amazingly saving his instrument from the fall.

"Oww…" he groaned. Then he saw Katie, a trombone-player in the distance. He looked triumphantly up at the flute-playing eighth-grader. "Watch and learn the ways of the studdmuffin, kiddo."

Nico scoffed. "Right."

"Katie, baby!" Travis called out jovially, waving a small hand. "Come help this saxy studdmuffin up, will you?"

The flower-loving girl gave him a look. "No. That sax better be okay, or else." And she proceeded to stroll away.

Travis wilted.

Connor snickered.

Nico observed. "You're saxy, all right," the younger finally agreed. "But studdmuffin title goes to Luke. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to learn from that guy instead." The pale boy marched away.

Travis stared at the receding back dejectedly.

Connor sighed. "It'll be okay. Too bad you didn't get a prodigy, huh?"

"Just shut up."

**End.**

**8D Sorry for the late update and crappy chap. Just…enjoy. More'll come up!**


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